


A Skele-Ton to Learn

by cresselia8themoon



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Gen, Humor, Minor char from canon, Not my best oneshot but hey its just silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 19:19:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13324773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cresselia8themoon/pseuds/cresselia8themoon
Summary: Take place after Backwards to School Night.Melissa gets tasked with helping a new kid out. The problem? The new kid is none other than the former Bony Boy.





	A Skele-Ton to Learn

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a quick gag from Backwards to School Night where they bring a skeleton back to life.

“You wanted to see me?” Melissa asked, closing the door to Principal Milder’s office behind her. She dropped her backpack at her feet, slipping into a chair. There was a boy with messy blond hair by the water cooler, who seemed rather fascinated by the taps. His outfit was more appropriate for a rodeo rather than a public school. 

Principal Milder sighed. “Get comfortable, cause this is gonna take a while.” 

The boy flopped into the seat next to her. “Hello!” he exclaimed, shaking her hand. She shook it once to be polite. “Wow, you’ve got really strong carpals!”

“Uh, yeah. I drink a lot of milk,” Melissa said, eyeing him cautiously. 

The boy nodded eagerly. “So what’s your favorite bone? I like the strength of the femur, oh, but the clavicle has this really pretty shape too, and I could go on forever about the scapula....”

As he rambled on, Melissa decided she didn’t care about a reprimand and gave Principal Milder the universal sign for ‘Who the heck is this and why is he complimenting my bones within five seconds of meeting me?’ 

“Meet Pat Ella,” Principal Milder said awkwardly. “Or as you and the rest of the school know him, Bony Boy.” 

Melissa managed to crack a smile. “That’s hilarious. Everyone knows that Bony Boy is the-” 

An alarm went off in her brain. 

“-skeleton in Mrs. Murawski’s classroom what’sgoingonhere?” Melissa’s voice rose to a shriek and she climbed out of her seat, holding her backpack in front of her for protection. “You’re supposed to be skin and bones, wait, no, just bones, cause skeletons aren’t supposed to have skin!” 

“There was an incident the night of the Parent-Teacher Conference-” Principal Milder continued. Melissa got the impression she was laughing at her. “-in which Pat Ella claims he was hit with a strange beam of light and came back to life. Unfortunately, we can’t verify his claims with the security cameras since they’re always malfunctioning and I still haven’t heard back from the district about getting replacements.”

“Is your name really Pat Ella?” Melissa asked the former Bony Boy, slowly putting as much distance as she could between them. 

He grinned. “I think so! I wanted to name myself Jack Skellington, but apparently there’s some copyright laws that prevent it.” 

“I can’t disclose his former identity to you, since that would raise numerous ethical and legal implications as to why the school was keeping a student’s skeleton in the closet,” Principal Milder said. “Besides, Mrs. Murawski terrified all the attorneys in the Tri-State Area when they objected to her marrying a teacher’s desk.” 

“How fascinating,” Melissa said, her throat growing dry. 

“And now I’m tasking you with the job of showing Pat the ropes around Jefferson County Middle School. You’ll be his guide for the rest of today.” 

And with that, Principal Milder dismissed them. 

* * *

 

“Are you hungry?” Melissa asked. 

“Famished!” Pat exclaimed. “Man, I haven’t had a digestive system in a long time. It’s so weird having squishy organs that can spill out if you just cut the skin right.” 

While Milo often made some off-hand comments that could be taken as creepy or macabre, he lacked the obsession with human anatomy that Pat proudly possessed. Briefly she wondered if she was acting as a guide for a future serial killer. 

“You know, most people tend to respond with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no,” Melissa said hopefully, hoping to instill a basic social skill early. “Now, did you bring your lunch?” 

Pat had gone with the simple answer of no, which she was thankful for. She pointed him to the lunch line, which was incredibly long despite only being five minutes into the break. 

Now that they were separated, Melissa’s heart was calming down. Milo, Zack, and Mort were already at the table. She sat down and took out her lunch without looking any of them in the eye. 

“So why were you called into Principal Milder’s office?” Milo asked. 

Somehow the sight of ham was making her queasy, and she gingerly peeled it off the rest of the sandwich. “Anyone want this?” she asked. 

There was a bark by her feet, and Melissa looked down to see Diogee drooling at the sight of the ham. She tossed it to him, and he gulped it down in a single bite.

“Diogee, go home!” Milo ordered. Diogee whined and exited the cafeteria, a student opening the side door for him. “Silly pup, he’s not supposed to be in the school cafeteria.” 

She took a tiny bite of her cheese and tomato sandwich. “Bony Boy came back to life on Parent-Teacher Night. And now I’m his guide at school for the rest of the day. His name’s Pat Ella now. He has an obsession with anatomy and now I’m afraid he’s gonna dissect me in my sleep and display my vital organs on trophies.” 

“Your aura is disturbed,” Mort noted. 

How helpful.

“It’s okay, we’ll help out in any way we can,” Milo reassured her. 

“How did Bony Boy come back to life?” Zack asked. “That’s what I’m wondering.” 

“Something about a strange beam of light....” Melissa murmured. She remembered a beam of light had enveloped their parents and Mrs. Murawski when they were de-aged and later returned to normal by the device Cavendish needed to fix. “Guys, I think the de-aging beam must’ve struck Bony Boy at one point.” 

Zack waved his hands frantically. “Slow down! You mean to tell me Cavendish and Dakota just casually had a gadget that can bring people back to life? Does that mean if you reversed the effects-”

“-that you could kill someone quickly and efficiently? Yes, yes it does,” Melissa finished. 

“Do you think I should call Cavendish and Dakota?” Milo asked. “I mean, doesn’t this technically fall under time travel?” 

“Time travel is messy enough if Dr. Zone is anything to go by,” Zack gulped. “Maybe we shouldn’t involve them unless we absolutely need to.” 

“Agreed,” Melissa said. 

To her dismay, Pat managed to join them with ten minutes left in the lunch period. “Hey, you must be Melissa’s friends! Milo, it’s nice to meet you! You fighting that sentient blob was super amazing!” 

Milo grinned at the compliment, only to be replaced by confusion. “Wait, how did you know about the sentient blob?” 

Pat gobbled down half of his spaghetti, dabbing at a glob of marinara at the corner of his mouth. When he set the napkin on his tray, Melissa couldn’t help but think it looked like blood.

“Being dead was kind of an out of body experience,” Pat explained. “I could see what was going on, provided I was facing the class and not the wall. Maybe not really an out of body experience, since it seemed like my soul was trapped inside the skeleton and begging to be set free, maybe an in-body experience would be more correct? All I know is that I couldn’t move at all.” 

He really shouldn’t talk about those things so casually, Melissa thought. 

“Whoops, I’m sorry for knocking your skull off one time and having to chase it all the way to a baseball stadium where the batter somehow scored a home run with you,” Milo said sheepishly. 

“Nah, I should be thanking you for that one,” Pat shrugged. “Gave me a chance to see more than a science classroom. It was totally worth the crack in my mandible!” 

“What do you think of Mrs. Murawski?” Mort asked. 

“She’s strange but cool, I guess,” Pat replied. “Things get weird after school though. She starts telling her desk things you’d only hear from a lovey-dovey couple on a honeymoon.” 

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Saved by the bell, Melissa thought. She did not want to hear the details.

* * *

 

History class was an absolute trainwreck. 

And the train that smashed the wall where Mr. Drako kept a picture of his ex was the least of her concerns. Mr. Drako had finished his lesson early, leaving them with free time for the rest of the school day. Melissa was tempted to go up to his desk and beg to continue the Civil War to avoid her classmates freaking out when Pat inevitably complimented their skeletons. 

“Oh, I like psychological horror more!” Pat said to Chad, who was starting to turn green. “Zombies are cool, but I really enjoy villains who twist the knife into the mind and cause the heroes a whole lot of mental anguish. I love it when you don’t know what’s happening, and you’re given the bare bones, if you’ll pardon my pun, and your imagination starts filling in the blanks! That’s what true horror is!” 

Chad smiled weakly. “Uh, yeah. Cool.” 

To distract herself, Melissa turned to Amanda. “Hey, I haven’t seen Lydia for the past two days,” she began. “Is she sick?” 

Amanda didn’t look up from highlighting her planner. “She was doing a rehearsal and tripped on the stairs leading to the stage. Broke her arm.” 

“Maybe we should run by the hospital to see her,” Milo suggested. “The gift shop there has some really nice flowers. It’s too bad. She really loves theater arts.” 

Amanda nodded. “Yeah, she was more upset at being out of the play than her broken arm.”

“Too bad. Broken bones aren’t fun,” Pat frowned, rubbing his shoulder as if remembering an old injury. “And neither is your entire arm popping off when something crashes into it. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but my left arm just doesn’t quite feel like it’s in the right position.” 

“Um, maybe you should get that looked at?” Amanda asked nervously. 

Pat shrugged. “Maybe later.” 

* * *

 

Pat’s definition of ‘maybe later’ turned out to be never since Milo had invited him over to his house since he didn’t have a computer at home to do research for an essay. Melissa tagged along, since she practically lived at the Murphy home anyway. 

It beat being home alone when her dad worked long hours. 

Melissa tuned out Pat gushing over the vertebral column, wondering if there were any articles about his death. Or what his previous identity was, parents, date of birth, and public records. She figured it was a mystery that would never be solved. 

“Zack, do you think Principal Milder is secretly running a shady business with the school as a cover?” Melissa asked. “Because that has to be the logical explanation behind all this.” 

“Probably,” Zack replied. “I’ve never met anyone who was super concerned about their keys before.”


End file.
